Congratulations on your forthcoming blessing! Thankfully, Auntie Tiffiny, had the wherewithal (and the unquestionable authority) to include us in this celebration of your union into one. She did so with the brilliant suggestion that we submit a word or two about things we might have learned thus far in this journey of parenting.

Before I go into my less-than-comprehensive list, I can testify that Tiffiny's baby showers are legendary. She organized and emceed ours, and it remains one of our often-reminisced and cherished memories; so, don't f-ck it, up. I'm looking at you ... Joe.

And so ... I submit to you, Ashley and Joe; family and friends; those who are present; those whom we wish were present -- both past and those to come -- some thoughts to consider:

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The value of the following verse from The Book of Matthew, chapter five, verse thirty-seven cannot be overstated as informing a solid parenting strategy. It reads:

"Just say a simple, 'Yes, I will,' or 'No, I won't.' Anything beyond this is from the evil one." 

- New Living Translation

Among the many things I could list about its value is that it will spare you at every shop, mall, park, extracurricular activity — just about anywhere —  from your child developing a very costly habit such as a baseball card collection, or, these days, those goddamned Pokemon cards. Virtual currency and in-app purchases - “No, I won’t” all the way!!

I can testify that I only barely managed to skirt through the demographic of American Dolls unscathed. The horror when I think about its affect on the pocketbook. (*wink* @Nando)

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You will f-uck up, and you will ruin your child. Think of it as a "right of passage." That little bundle of joy delivered into your arms ... helpless and swaddled up like a bug in a rug WILL ultimately spend their late adolescence and early adulthood as a source of unbridled and unrelenting resentment.

Inevitably, they will resume their adoration (if not respect) for you when and if they decide for themselves that they’re ready to stand on their own two feet. Pray that this happens for your child in their early twenties.

Unlike the Klingon proverb, "Revenge is a dish served cold," turns out that for is Earthlings, "Revenge is a dish served with more than a dollop of cuteness." (Dr. Catherine Ward; Big Apple Pediatrics; Satori's Pediatrician and fellow Trekkie circa 2010)

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There's a very short window in which your are bigger and stronger than them ... not that that implies anything ... Buuuut ... my mother has an awfully strong hawk-like pinch; It made all the difference.

My grandmother (GranNina), so I hear, was a sharpshooter with a slipper. Just saying ....

But really, there's quite an enormous number of places in the blogosphere to SHARE those feelings constructively and anonymously. I SHIT! YOU! NOT!

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Becoming a parent: It's not what you think it is; not what you may have heard or been told. What's worse is that nothing anybody or any book can tell you can prepare for what's in store for you. It's something you'll have to pick up while you're knee deep in it — from within the wafting odor of the soiled diaper; immersed the magnitude of wailing only a child can produce … a child strapped onto your chest while the Starbucks in one hand spills out over the lid and dribbles onto the cuff of your dress shirt. Meanwhile you need to find the car keys, the wipes, the extra diapers, and there's also the urgent chiming of your smartphone buried somewhere in the Vera Bradley bag one of the grandmas has already likely supplied you with.

In short, you're screwed -- literally. It’s what got you here. Incidentally or by deliberate cultivation of that lifelogging, biometric apps wielding stallion — now you’re screwed.

White knuckle it if you have to. Don't worry, though. There are hundreds of thousands of years of instinct and ten thousand years of civilization and five thousand years of written history and at least a hundred disinterested Facebook friends and more than likely, ten or so contacts in your phone to get you through it.

Conjur up to your mind (or watch on Youtube now), the scenes in Parenthood (1989) where Steve Martin's face goes wonky as if he were riding a roller coaster.

In the first instance, there's an admixture of nausea and terror on it. In the final one, the look on his face is indescribable. The closest approximation resembles satisfaction mixed with awakening or realization; what I imagine the tone in The Lord’s voice when at the end of the day’s labor over his creation, he proclaims more than once: "it was good" (Genesis 1:1, NLT).

I sell it to you, "at cost," as my mom often says.

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It was a constant refrain of my mother's while growing up that, "The only thing a child needs is unconditional love." I believe that she was trying to say that to raise a healthy and whole child, it doesn't come down to any specific thing, status or economic situation. Instead, communicating that they are loved is truly the key to their wellbeing.

After all, what does an infant know about the difference between a mattress and a metal file drawer stuffed with blankets and plush toys. What does it know about park grass meant for a picnic versus the green carpeted area near the food court of Kenwood Mall?

I would, however, like to add that, in my humble opinion, a child also needs to feel that they are safe.

I often find my thoughts going to Psalm 23; I think it captures what it means for one to feel safe. I live in New York City, after all ...

Psalm 23: New Living Translation (NLT)

A psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd;

    I have all that I need.

2 He lets me rest in green meadows;

    he leads me beside peaceful streams.

3     He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

    bringing honor to his name.

4 Even when I walk

    through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

    for you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff

    protect and comfort me.

5 You prepare a feast for me

    in the presence of my enemies.

You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

    My cup overflows with blessings.

6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me

    all the days of my life,

and I will live in the house of the Lord

    forever.

Now that Satori is well into her ninth-year, it would seem that she's gaining her own independent sense of assuredness about things being a-okay. However, I'm sure she looked to me and her mommy as her de facto proxy for, “The Lord,” named in this psalm.

It dawned on me recently that Fear and Freedom (the conscious feeling of it) are mutually exclusive; one pushes out the other. And so, it's a good idea to think through what it means to be "a-okay.” The tendency for the mind is to construct extraordinarily vivid pictures, scenarios, and reasons for how it’s all going to hell, and though it will, the feeling you have for the world you chose to bring them into is the kind of thing that rubs off on them .♱ 

If you become supple and receptive to what should rub off on you from them is a renewed chance to witness the abundance and beauty that surrounds you as a father or as a mother; to be grounded in the special place you occupy in the march of history — to carry its march forward just like every one of your ancestors has to before; to share with them a moment in the mercy and majesty ... the awe of this creation we all have will get but a brief glimpse into.

Yours truly,

Juan Carlos, Easmanie and Satori

Brooklyn, New York

Summer Solstice

June 2017

♱ Erikson, Erik H. "Growth and Crisis in the Healthy Personality." Identity and the Life Cycle. New York, NY: Norton, 1994. N. 51. Print.